When I say the word ‘love’ aloud, a thousand memories rush back to me and not necessarily of the relationship I am in. I recall all the guys I had a crush on as teenager; how it felt to be fleetingly attracted to someone; the first time I fell for someone and knew it wasn’t going to last; and the first real relationship I had which didn’t work out; the rejection and the happiness that is a part of everyone’s love life. I think of all the time that I have kissed the guys I was with, some sneakily, some in the rain, some during movies and at places I don’t even remember.
Everyone says that love is enough, in any relationship, but it isn’t. Even less so in romantic relationships.
When you fall in love, it makes you feel that your life’s purpose has been met, like they are the person you have waited all your life. Everything seems right and that is such a rare thing.
But the reality is that this beautiful feeling that takes up all our lives is not enough. Love is never enough. If it were, there would be no breakups or divorces. Every relationship has love as the foreground; you wouldn’t enter a relationship if you didn’t feel that you love each other. Look at the rock solid relationships and marriages that broke, do you think that love was the missing element?
Dig deeper and you’ll understand that love is a force that makes you blind to the things that actually matter.
You may think that a person’s habits, intellectual level, personality, their opinions on important subjects, their family, finances and their compatibility with you, both physical and emotional, don’t matter; and that true love is willing to overlook all the flaws and imperfections, but a few months of living together and you want to strangle their neck because as usual the dishes are scattered in the sink or they play music too loud when you want to enjoy the silence. Suddenly the unimportant habits begin to annoy you to the extent that you wonder how long you can put up with it.
When you are in love, you decide to be with a person notwithstanding the kind of pressure that their family may put on you. You forget that they might not create a conducive environment for your personal growth or prohibit you from having your own opinion. They might force you to want kids and want to actively raise them, and love isn’t enough reason to put yourself through that.
Yes, love and relationships call for compromises and sacrifices. But how do you decide what is enough? Instead of wearing yourself out and being helpless in matters of heart, maybe get to know the person better before settling for them. Maybe, tell your butterflies that they won’t last long and know that love isn’t going to carry you through years of bad days. Tell yourself that you will be happier if you choose love without compromising on other very important things.